if you’d read it i’d write you…:

upstairs neighbor:

when you come down the stairs can you walk instead of run? and can you talk outside and not on your phone?

wtmd (89.7) independant music radio station= towson, md:

i really liked the 5 o’clock shadow, “go daddy go”  yesterday for “cee lo green and the violent femmes.  but honestly who’s version do you like better?

bobby brown

what were you thinking when you snuck into your ex-wife’s funeral?

mitt romney (after i saw your feb. 16 clip on steven colbert)

at what point in your speech to the people in detroit did you realize you were talking all about little lakes, tall trees and nothing else?

gisele bundchen

do you feel bad about throwing your husband’s team mates under the bus?  have you learned from that experience?

the New Yorker

you tempt us with your illustrative covers, having us think that you have a story inside to go along with them when you really don’t. how come?

whitney houston

Guys i thought of when i heard these hit singles….

1985

“How Will I Know”

(6 yrs) BRICE. His aunt Terry had big buck teeth and worked for my mom.  We sat by a man-made lake, fed ducks, and sucked on raspberry candy from La Vie tart tins. We kept in touch via our mom/aunts.

1986

“The Greatest Love of All”

(7 yrs) BRIAN MAC. In my driveway, he got me to stand in my sundress with my legs open while he skateboarded through them.  Two years ago his dad burned their house down trying to make french fries from scratch.

1987

“I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)”

(8 yrs) SEAN. He had shiny straight hair which on looking back makes me think I liked him because I wanted to be as pretty as him.  I still look back at pictures of his hair and dream of the day when mine can look like that.

1990

“I’m Your Baby Tonight”

(11 yrs) SCOTT.  We both liked each other because who wouldn’t at a snobby private school?  Got sent to the principal’s office when I got caught writing “I ♥ Scott” on the laminate wall of Ms. Duncan’s room.  She was the math teacher.  The only day when I didn’t draw somewhere in there was when we used skittles to learn how to do long division.

1992

“I Will Always Love You”

(13 yrs) MIKE. Was the first alternative guy I dated. He made me a mix tape of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and U2.  He also made a word puzzle and gave it to me to solve which said “Will You Go Out With Me?” when I figured it out.  He got kicked out of school two years later when he wrote “Fuck Pace! (private school) all over our lunchroom walls.

1993

“I’m Every Woman”

(14 yrs) ROB. Was the 2nd guy who was prettier than me who I liked, with the kinda hair I also liked (stick straight).  Followed him around a church retreat one weekend whlie he acted uninterested by playing GameBoy.  I had second thoughts about why I was into him when he got into race car driving and then joined the army  7 years later.