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Business Man texted me. These blue pills are making me want him more. He said something about him having friends in town and about how he’d be busy entertaining them all weekend. Why can’t he introduce us? Still on the fence about him. In one way I want him to think we are in a relationship, but in another, I want to puruse my avenue- you know stay on the path I set out to cross. If I’d just stay off these blue pills, I feel in my heart that I’ll meet the guy that’s right for me. In the stars and everything all around, I know that this is in the plan- that I’m supposed to be disinterested, turned away from Metro, for liking Brooklyn; that I’ll be turned away by Business Man treating us like we are dating, with lots of illicit language thrown in that makes me want to gag. Because my old theory was that if I were in pain, that I’d be rewarded somehow and eventually. I keep taking my morning walks to remind myself of this.

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