I went back on the stuff I’d gone off before. It was helping,
but then I checked to make sure.
I went off of it for like two weeks. But then I got high with Amber
and Valletta and I saw things take downturns.
I went back on just one pill and fog like blew into my brain.
The next day I stayed off it, or I can’t remember.
I stayed off of it for one more week while I did another pill.
Then I confessed to Tanya about this whole thing and she
said, “Can you live with the guilt of taking it?”
I said “No” for a variety of reasons, one being that
I thought I would catch a bad cold if I didn’t handle the
ailments of my anxieties. I thought that I had to meet them,
face to face, like a face off. Except I didn’t expect to win.
I just knew they’d always be there.