i stopped saying that i was going to kill myself because i kept seeing the future when i went out for walks. i felt intriguing things were up ahead and decided i was curious enough to see them through.
today i had to take my documents to PNC to fax them. i went to put down a deposit for my dream apartment, and i went to a restorative yoga class. i cooked squash-tangerine soup.
my sunday yoga teacher plays really good music and dims the lights and he’s soft spoken. as of two sundays before last, i was gung-ho about his practice. then this week he had us doing splits and weird backbends. he adjusted my tree pose so much that i fell. when it came time for the shoulder massages, he turned out the lights and started touching my hands in the dark.
i wish yoga would be all about health. it advertises it everywhere. why can’t it just be? i’ll keep buying lemon room sprays and just like Yoga Journal says, balance will prevail. from now on, i’m sticking with women teachers. my teacher tonight was so strong and patient. she believed in passing strength to all of us, and we really felt it. i came out of it feeling like i’d done a huge painting job. but all we did was learn how to breath through simple poses. i never realized how easy it could be when you believe in your limbs and when you tell them that they are great, strong, and limber.
we sat through meditations on blocks with blankets, in fish pose. i thought about steve and how much on dates, he wants to have sex. i’m up to 40 reasons why he can’t come back to my apartment. his apartment is easy. when he asks me to come to it, i say it’s far and i can’t drive to it in the dark. for our valentine’s date, i decided to skip showering and to drop by following yoga.
i got to the restaurant before him, and i ordered Punch Drunk Love:
3oz dark rum,
3oz light rum
3.5oz quality triple sec
12oz orange juice
2.5oz lime juice
1.5oz All Spice Dram
6 dash Angostura Bitters
then we switched; he ordered what i’d had and i ordered beer. we ate hamburgers and we split soup. we had four more Punch Drunk Loves. somewhere after singing “This Must Be the Place” in the bathroom, he placed his hand in my lap. i talked about my book club and how i wanted to have a “different decades” theme for this year. Michael from book club opted for the 1890’s.