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i went to my brothers wedding finally and i hid behind my short dress and songs about the 90’s. i met up with my almost uncle so that i could drink beer for free and talk about iowa’s best creative writing school. i went with j and to the record store, a hotel bar, an east-end place, and we spent his $700 on wines that we never finished. i walked with a raincoat by my old college, just in case i ran into anyone i knew, and i changed the subject when i saw my younger brother’s friends, because i didn’t want to know how much they’d changed or how much money they were making. i liked it before when they were in high school. back then they were unemployed and i had a job.

blue hawaiians are the best. i was remembering the recipe from this app i signed onto and the ingredients i counted on my  fingers were : blue curaco, pineapple juice, vodka…then my brothers four friends showed up and sat across from j…we talked about silicon valley and that investor who shows up on Nickolodean TV for the “Naked Brothers Band”. i did NOT know where my brother and his “w” were so i brought up Richard Edson. Before 1982 he’d played with Sonic Youth and after that he played in desperately seeking susan.  i turned to my mom and asked if she’d thought that last beatles song that we danced to, would have sounded better with bongo drums instead of the base. in the end i wound up back in my hotel room with a promise i had to keep- which was to have sex with j because he flew down and said i could parade him as my date. afterwards he gave me a 2014 “Men With Cats” calendar. He also gave me this big, fake diamond ring which he said was my promise one, until he could make the real thing happen. i winced, put it on, and it felt heavy.

the next day i went shopping with it, and i noticed that it made my grey raincoat stand out more. even my sneakers looked better, my hair, my make-up. i didn’t take a shower for two days because i had my hair done the day of the wedding. j and i got in late from  fl to md and we took a road trip to bel air for oysters and more wine, which i drank all of. it’s different when it’s not free. when am i supposed to stop listening to pandora? it’s got the charlie brown christmas album and i’m not slightly tired of it. when i made celery soup last night i tried to think of old charles shultz comics that i used to read, and could only come up with things marcy would say, or of peppermint pattie’s tomboy suspenders.

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