i kept walking back and forth all day long at school because our tiles were coming up. maybe its the way the tiles were laid out. maybe its because of the kids. the windows were open because the heat’s strong. i think i’ll go to frasiers with everybody else at 5. it’s been awhile since i’ve connected with my staff. mr. steinberg came in my room last week and i kept checking the time because i was supposed to meet tanya. about an hour and a half went by and we’d talked about just one student.
i’ve been bumping into things. seems like there are sharp things around my house which weren’t there before. it took me longer to do small tasks than usual this week, like for example, looking through the paper. i’ve been looking in it for groups to meet up with, and i found some. last night i went to a heavy metal concert with joe and i stayed up watching the band until i couldn’t hear the bartender asking me if i wanted my card back. dan (another friend) said something too, but i could just see his lips moving.
a lot of girls at school act snobby. i didn’t know it at first, maybe i thought that it was the way teachers were supposed to act, because even the nice ones do it. but now i’ve noticed a difference. the difference is that in my mfa program, students are mostly nice and warm and generally accepting. that’s where i divided the two. i need a constant guard for me so i can stop paying attention to how teachers describe students at our meetings. i just want to get the heck out of there, out of school, as soon as its done.
did i tell you one of my students took my phone? i still don’t know who. i dont care. i’d secretly wanted someone to do it. i liked it when my calling company gave me a track phone that could barely text. i didn’t have any of my old numbers. and when scott, that porn star, kept texting me, i just played dumb, like I couldn’t read who was writing me. i got out of 1. going to a spend the night party (with my friend jenny and others), 2. more time when steve asked to meet up at the ottobar on monday.
i go back and forth from the quarry on saturdays. i sit in front of the heart-shaped pool that’s now covered up in one long green tarp, and i match up leaves from my audobon society book. eastern pine is really popular all around. i also look at the houses, and wave to the old people that slowly walk past. i like this one house that looks like a cabin. there’s a tent stuck out in their backyard, which looks left behind. maybe someone sleeps there. when i first moved here i thought i’d be more like them, the hasidic jews, but now i think we both rub off on each other.