i’ve been doing better lately, switching my mood to something else when i’m tired of thinking about the same old thing. it’s like a tail is following me and sometimes i find a way to make it invisible. today i made it invisible by walking in the woods. i listened to Big Country by the band Big Country, and thought just that- that’s this country’s big with places that will fill me wide of some other thought. it’s what i’ve been doing lately- coming up with ones to ignore the bad. last night brad and i went to the carnival, following smoking carnies the whole day, and creeping after kidnapping looking horse betters. the track was right up this dirt path and we trailed behind betters with newspapers, so we could get shots of the old teller windows. there was a lunch room or café where you could watch the races on the television, and i snuck in while brad was wandering off somewhere else.
my thoughts today got me away from my tail by putting on amiroli oil. it made me think of forests and plays in a wine vineyard that i knew of, and the wind in the fall. that held me for awhile. then when i wandered back into it and i went outside and read the new Yorker in my t-shirt. it was something about girls’ softball and my thoughts kept coming and going through tales about girls not having strong enough helmets. last night my tail got big while i was doing yoga and i figured that the humidity, my feeling heavy handed in the dark, and thinking about how i was going to have to get avm to let me borrow a spare key to my room, had brought it on. i looked forward so that i didn’t have to see it by thinking about my shower in the next few minutes, reading in the air conditioning, and being in a big white, clean t-shirt.