unsure of title

i’m on the edge of staying asleep because i flew six hours to seattle and then stayed up all night exchanging facebook pages with new people.  now i’m reading the Washington State Visitor’s Guide and thinking about my conversation with the hotel owner.  i couldn’t sleep at all really while i was here and i told the inn keeper that (who i never see).

i don’t feel so hard up about what i used to- i’m facing opposition from the same party lines that i have for years, my students.  and then there’s the undertow that keeps pulling me away from seeing other people.  so it’s no wonder that i’m here where i am, seeing my students more than their parents do.  and what about Gorgeous Parttime BF?  i’ve been his lifeline, not to mention support system, half-way girlfriend, mistress, and best-friend for so long.  but i can’t shout about it or let anyone know.  so when i bump into people, it’s just a lot of questions.

my mom says to be on the lookout.  space and good manners and more men are right around the corner.  how come i feel spent?  i go to work every day with my left hand out, ready to put up a stop to questionable behavior. i’m 33 and i love my cats and reading, but i have to keep siding with myself when seeing other people.

i’ve stacked achievements in a windowsill, with my  awards shining out.  but i keep them secretive, so no one knows. and even if some one struck up a game show of all the trivia they know about their jobs, i bet i’d just keep quiet and under raps about my own.


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