Went to the bike party to bypass thinking of Constant Companion and I pedaled alongside Yair. I tried not to think about Old Boyfriend cause after all I drove his butt back to Silver Springs. He talked the whole way up about why I wouldn’t get back together with him. What rocks did I have in my head? At some point in this Chinese restaurant I agreed to kiss him but only if he’d pay for me to have a drink, and even at that, I decided to wait till I’d gotten halfway through it. But I didn’t make it. I could just tell him that I was a lesbian. Maybe he’d leave me alone ? But he didn’t. He just said he was open to it and experiencing with my best friend Elizabeth. She isn’t actually gay- I just painted a pretty story pretending she was. I told him I couldn’t open up to anyone, that I’d been cold towards guy relationships since junior high school (I had my ex- Josh in mind). I said Elizabeth was the only person I’d been able to open up to in a while. He bought it. He also left me with the check. He cursed me and proclaimed I would never get anyone to tell me they loved me again.

I sped home and continued to text Yair. I’d texted him throughout my dinner with Old BF and now as I drove my texts were coming in droves. “I have a spell cast on me. What should I do,” and, “I need to wash it off . Where can I meet you?” I agonized over it and also zoomed an extra thirty miles where after, we shrunk down to be able to get into the caverns of Brewers. We shared a Caesar salad and mayo fries, but I was too wound up to eat them.

“What can I get you so that you’ll  get drunk?” Yair asked. I said a Shirley temple . They didn’t have alcohol in them, but they usually made me rock from side to side. We went back to his place after and drank more beer, confessed more rants. I called Constant Companion three times , but he wouldn’t pick up. I really needed to talk to him.


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