Mrs. Blueberry still hasn’t written me about the post that I sent her following that memoir book –she recommended it after all. i think she can see through the not so silver lining, that i didn’t read it. i skipped to Rat Girl , by Kristin Hersh when Mrs Blueberry and I had a disagreement. I threw the other memoir across the room, where it’s still sitting.
i wound up forcing myself to leave, even though DW and i could have had fun if i’d just not been too wound up to sleep over. but i wasn’t drunk and i was nervous, and he’d sobered up by then. so we both left it at that. but i gave him a hug, and he was so warm. when i came home i got into my pajamas and washed my face and ran to the freezer. i had to put ice cubes across arms so that i wouldn’t think of DW and how handsome he was. slowly i melted, and i fell into a hard sleep. i kept waking up all through the night though, thinking, “it’s 4, it’s 4. it’s gonna be daylight soon.”
i woke up a few hours later anyway, and decided to drink coffee and do yoga. i did five sequences this time- one from a video gambino gave me from yoga journal, one from Eckhart yoga online, and two 5-minute power sequences. i felt worn the rest of the day and so i went to the pool and laid out next to the two cool guys that always said hi to me, and who did cool belly flops off the diving board. one of the friendly ones asked a lot of questions about my tattoos, and i tried to think up funny answers for why i’d gotten the ones that i had. like always, i was so into my book that i stopped the conversation halfway, and acted awkward so he’d lose interest. it worked and then i studied the sky while i listened to 7,000 songs from throwing muses. my new favorite playlist on youtube is:
2. Not Too Soon
5. Soul Soldier
I started looking on the internet for Joy , my old roommate from college. we got along pretty well and i missed saturday mornings with her. this is the time when she’d put on riot girl music from tanya donelley or hole. i remember dragging my feet during halloween in chapel hill. i wanted to wander around and party with all of the hot guys, and Joy wanted to go to a dive bar to listen to music. we wound up doing what she wanted anyway because she had the car. i wish i could redo that moment and be a lot more into the music that night- a lot more into her stuff in general.