Maybe Ms. Blueberry’s right. Maybe my writing does need work. Maybe it’s not a question of whether I can do the work required for my thesis during our third year. Maybe its just a question of whether I have the guts to drop out of teaching entirely. I’ve never enjoyed it. I complain about it to Tanya regularly. In fact I don’t see myself moving up with it, at some point maybe I did, but Ms. Gardiner’s right. I never strived to progress past my 3rd or fourth year. I took up writing, yoga, running, clubs, multiple relationships and I spent a lot more on those, than I did on grading. Just think of what I could produce in 10 years- all the time I’ve taught. Publications, proposals, snapshots, grants, chapters, chapbooks, magazine articles, more and more blogs. (But this might mean less and less followers. Oh shit!).
I just read Kristin Hersh’s fourth chapter in Rat Girl and duh, why didn’t it dawn on me? She’s Tanya Donnelly’s step. Sister that is. Throwing Muses! Something about her makes me think I knew it all along: RIS D dropout, runner-into-rich-people’s-backyards-to-use-their-pool rock girl. Now I’m really sure that I want to let go of the whole teaching experience and focus on writing for magazines. Which one should I try out for first? Ms. Blueberry is on a trip through the Inca Trail in Peru. It’s why I sent my revised, revised, revised story to her. Because I knew she couldn’t get back to me, she doesn’t have time. Plus she’s with her 12-year old and nineteen other ones that act and talk just like the first. In the mean time, I half-assed all of my memoir commentaries , and instead, focused on Whidbley Island’s Yoga Lodge, Menagro’s in Vancouver, and whether or not I should register for a class with Seattle Yoga Arts. Just know mom, don’t be alarmed if I don’t come back. I’ll wire in money to get my cats here somehow, they won’t be a burden. Promise!