Party Habits

How did i adopt these habits?

The wine. I guess you’re supposed to bring that.  But this was a Jewish barbeque and I sure as heck wasn’t about to bring manechewvtiz

Presents.  I wrote inside the card, “Dinner on me!” instead.  Just on the half chance they won’t take me up on it.

Taking napkins from empty place settings at other tables

Drinking the Diet Sunkist that is supposed to be for the kids

Trying to make full conversation with someone who uses sign language

Hanging by the door

Picking up dirty plates, searching for spoons, folding napkins, to avoid making small talk about my relationships

Saying I anticipate on taking a shower after the party since I didn’t do it before

Wearing loose dresses that have been in my closet since I was 22

Not wearing make up

Forgetting to think up excuses about why I have tattoos and piercings to a bunch of Orthodox Jews (of which I’m one, but not orthodox)


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