How did i adopt these habits?
The wine. I guess you’re supposed to bring that. But this was a Jewish barbeque and I sure as heck wasn’t about to bring manechewvtiz
Presents. I wrote inside the card, “Dinner on me!” instead. Just on the half chance they won’t take me up on it.
Taking napkins from empty place settings at other tables
Drinking the Diet Sunkist that is supposed to be for the kids
Trying to make full conversation with someone who uses sign language
Hanging by the door
Picking up dirty plates, searching for spoons, folding napkins, to avoid making small talk about my relationships
Saying I anticipate on taking a shower after the party since I didn’t do it before
Wearing loose dresses that have been in my closet since I was 22
Not wearing make up
Forgetting to think up excuses about why I have tattoos and piercings to a bunch of Orthodox Jews (of which I’m one, but not orthodox)