Employment- Stand Out!

Things I wish I could say to stand-out in applications:

i have/am good at/a:

patience “i used to think up all the things i’d let myself surf for on the internet if i promised to let it go when students called me “bi–“, “ass—“, “mother fu——-“.  Like how Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart were making their relationship work offsite from the Twilight set.”

selective hearing- “I can drowned out loud noises if there are any, anywhere.  i figured out how to ignore my principal yelling on our loudspeaker 9 times a day and all then all the ambulances driving past.  All I had to do was ask one of my students to turn up their iPods as loud as they wanted for finishing their homework on time.”

(work-related) lexicon I’m really good at picking up work-related lingo like for example “whilin'”, “‘snitchin”, and “getting lo”.  I learned the first one when my kids said I was ‘whilin’ out after the 4th kid came in late to class. 2. “snitchin” when I told 3 students I was gonna tell on them for cheating, and 3. “getting lo” when I ran out of the room during a fist-fight

civil servant– “I’ll be anybody’s bitch.  My principal used to ask me to make runs to Subway for her on my planning period and I did it.  every 3rd or 4th time she’d give me enough $ to buy a tuna sub, coke, and chips for myself.

technology “Don’t have updated technology?  I can totally handle it.  We used computers from 1992 until 2010.  And then by the time we got them pretty much everything was blocked by the school site’s access anyway.”

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