Condoms on the pharmacy aisle

I kept calling him all day Thursday, especially in the morning I smoked three cigarettes before texting my mother about an email she sent to me saying I should feel okay about acting reserved and intimidating during work. And then after some texts she called up and I confronted her about it. I kept calling Damn-It but his phone was off and this got me stirred up even more each time I tried his cell. I hugged my legs and watched the clock tick past ten and then I decided to get up, make my bed, make some coffee, and check my bank account. Then I looked in the paper for something to do at Dionysus and saw that they were having an open mic night on so I put that in my mental calendar before grabbing my keys off their hook and heading out to see my acupuncturist.

He put a bunch of needles in my head. They didn’t hurt but I could still feel that they were there…this was five minutes after I’d tried Damn-It again with his phone still off. After I had waves going through my head I had weird dreams like I was high so I kept waking myself up so when he asked me to turn over onto my back I tried not to move but my phone rang and I had a guess who it was- Clingy, from school I had a bell next to me that the doctor gave and I was about to ring it to ask if he’d get my cell phone but this was my time and I was just gonna sit back and listen to my voicemail bleep.

After I’d gone out to Dionysus I’d met two guys who took my mind off of Damn-It and we smoked, I drank even though I didn’t want it, exchanged phone numbers and stayed up super late at Golden West drinking a tall can of Sol just because Damn-It once again was off Skype and because he wouldn’t answer his phone or he’d turned it off.

He’s done that like two more times. I was out on Friday cause I figured he wouldn’t be up for IMing and an hour into dancing and butting up against guys I’d kiss, he was there on Skype. So I hid in the corner behind a curtain and kept texting him till I told him where I was. But then Damn-It got off musta fallen asleep and my phone was dying anyway so I made it a point to get close to some guys till I let them know that I’d make out hard core with one of them if they wanted. And I did.

I did that some more this weekend to. I’d text Damn-It back and he wouldn’t answer so I’d go out at 3 to a reading and invite as many guy friends as I’d known and stay out till 9 drinking with them at the Ale House, getting invited to more readings, hooking up with people on Facebook from there, and then bringing them back to Elekta’s house to eat frittatas.

I tried getting on the phone with my health insurance company just so I wouldn’t call him for the second time and I wound up staying on all morning before I said that I had to go exercise at my gym. I didn’t want to call Damn-It again so after figuring out from the cute guy at Sherwin-Williams that you can get paint off your counters by using nail polish, I called my insurance company again. I waited on hold with a nice guy while I waited for my birth control from another hot guy behind the pharmacy before I realized I was staring at the condom section in the middle aisle. I started studying things that I already knew about but hadn’t tried and walked around in circles talking to the agent before figuring out that people were getting in line ahead of me. I walked up behind a six year old, turned to face the other way so my agent and I could have the phone conversation all to ourselves.

An hour later and the agent was asking me every question in the book except what my phone number was, where I lived, how I was doing, and if I liked my job. But I managed a conversation anyway and by the end of it he called ‘me patient’. Can you believe it? It was all worth it. I’m gonna call him back and get him to record that so I can put it on a tape and send it to my cranky boss….


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