…………………are they casting? because I have a handful of reasons I can pull out and show them for why my boyfriend should be the lead in their next lifetime drama. Get a load of this! It’s all real………………………………..
1. Okay so first I went up to my friend and pointed my finger in his face that he should try and hang-out with other guys instead of following me around the house all the time. This was just after he’d ignored a bunch of my friends at the pool, making snarky asides about not wanting to listen to us talking about education. It’s not the first time he’s been standoffish around my friends and he sure makes a habit out of it. Anytime I ask to go out with other couples he throws up his hands and throws a fit. This was his excuse:
GRAMMY OPPORTUNITY #1
EXCUSE: “My friends died five years ago in a car accident and ever since than I haven’t wanted to trust anybody or be around new people.”
TRACY’S REACTION: Okay okay okay…maybe now I do feel bad…even I was weeping and crying by the end…. So Lifetime? This is the first example of why you should hire my boyfriend.
So I started to feel like Julia Roberts (‘cept way less hot) when I was walking on eggshells (in my bare feet…ouch!) in my boyfriend’s apartment…everything EVERYTHING has a place and if you move anything he flies off the handle…I tried bringing this up with him…You know being more relaxed about an object being out of place or not flipping out when he finds ONE piece of cat litter in a corner under the TV stand…This is what he told me:
Grammy Opportunity #2
EXCUSE: “My dad was in the military and if I didn’t make my bed and make everything PERFECTLY clean in my room than he would beat me over and over.”
TRACY’S REACTION: Hmm….well maybe I was being too harsh…See Lifetime? Another opportunity for you…
Next, the other day we were riding around in his car and I couldn’t enjoy the nice decayed buildings all to the right of 83 in Baltimore for the car was flipping lines every other minute. I peer over in time to see my boyfriend switching lanes, cutting off cars faster than my younger brother could run over your foot with his electric remote controlled play monster truck….Suddenly at the stoplight I nice old man rolls down his window and then starts screaming at my boyfriend for people off in the lanes and almost causing accidents all over the place. My boyfriend appropriately responds by calling him every asshole name in the book then rolls up his window and brings up the topic about how he hates old people….Why didn’t I know about this sooner? Here’s his excuse
GRAMMY OPPORUNITY #3
EXCUSE: “I never knew my grandparents. My mother’s father died when she was ten years old and her mother became an alcoholic and then beat her and her brothers and was never a very good parent to them. I just have not been able to trust elderly people ever since.”
TRACY’S REACTION: Okay so my boyfriend IS a lot older than me and it’s probable that his mom’s mom probably grew up during the Great Depression when times weren’t so hot…maybe my boyfriend should be writing his own script as we speak about all of the above. In the mean time LIFETIME….every minute that your not calling up my boyfriend and casting him in a star role is wasted! He could be making your ratings skyrocket! eMAIL me if you need more information!