How to act hot for a work crush, and not from the heat….


Lately I’ve been walking up and down our hallways at school thinking up different ways to beat the heat (it was 90 degrees yesterday in Ms. Sampson’s room) and we are on the third floor so, so far I’ve come up with keeping a wet scarf tied around my neck and parading up and down my classroom believing it’s fifty degrees out. At lunch time I waltz into the breakroom, grab five ice cubes drop them down the back of my dress, wait five minutes, then air dry the water spot in the window fan. Sitting back into my chair eating the same kind of sandwich for the third day in a row, I thought of our chemistry teacher (charming, sensitive, light on his feet, easy to talk to) down the hall and started thinking of my dissaray, decay, and messy hair in the humidity that is steaming through our floor. I sat in the lunch room the other day staring at him for the fifteen minutes of free time that I’d have before my challenged reading class bombarded through my doorway, and thought up four ways that I could beat this heat and win his (short, he flirts with just about every women there is in school) attention. These are what I came up with…Let me know if there’s one I missed or an idea you have…I need them!


….tempt him Medieval style by keeping your hair away from sweat beads by rewatching how Helena Bonham Carter wraps her hair in braids in the re-make of Ophelia….…..Fold copy paper back and forth 10 times and write on the edges of a paper fan: “Come ere…I’ll cool ya off…”

…Wash a scarf with your favorite crush’s sports logo in ice water, and flaunt it around your neck to make you feel ICE HOT…

….Pick your two favotite colored bendy straws and offer a Panera’s strawberry slushy up for sharing to your crush, when the temp in your cubicles jump to 10 degrees on the thermometer you’ve got taped under your desk…

— I opted for the scarf one. The other day at lunch I missed points for using my mouth to swallow the brown lettuce of a salad I’ve neglected to throw away, versus using my piehole to pipe up about the Greenbay Packers winning (his favorite team) this year. Putting all comments from students who want me to stay loyal to our city’s football team aside, I thought it was a good way at least to start up a conversation.

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